Faking My Own Suicide
by Vampirette Knight
Summary: If commiting suicide means that you're a coward, then what does faking it mean? Sasusaku.
1. suffocating on my own misery

**disclaimer - do not own.**

**a/n - revised the format of this. **

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**.:: faking my own suicide ::.**

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How am I supposed to know if he really loves me? When the only time he's said it was too get me to sleep with him.

.

When he barely even speaks to me anymore.

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_When he hits me._

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.

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I love him _so much_, I always have. But I don't know how much more I can take it. If he should ever come to visit me, he will have left completely satisfied.

Apparently unaware of my pain.

That's why I've decided that it be best if I faked my own suicide.

What a dumb idea, right?

.

.

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He's supposed to meet me at my house in two hours.

By then, I will have left.

He will read my suicide note and not a single tear will come to his eyes as he gently will place the note back on the table and walk away, moving on.

_Leaving me. Forever._

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.

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_I want him to feel what I feel._

Feel the pain he's caused me over the years.

_Hear what I hear. _

Hear him screaming at me calling me names, mocking me.

I_ want him to see what I see. _

I want him to _see_ the look on his face whenever he hits or shoves me.

.

.

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There's a half an hour left before he should arrive.

I live on the water, a cliff behind my house.

How ironic.

More so actually…_perfect. _

Perfect because they have no chance in ever finding my body, because I'm faking my death.

I'm too scared to even actually commit suicide.

They say that committing suicide means you're a coward, so then what does faking it mean?

.

It's _pathetic._

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What kills me the most are the memories of when he used to care.

Was it all just a lie?

Or did he, all along know what he was doing to me?

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The note is placed ever so carefully on the kitchen table.

Written as neat as I could.

My tears are the only ones that will shed, even though his should.

I hide in my closet because I have to see his face one more time before I let him go.

.

.

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I love him so much and I always will. I have to admit I am going to miss his devilish smirks and his gorgeous body.

I am going to miss how he never needs to use his lips to get his point across because -

The doorbell rings and I want to open the door and collapse into his arms. My heart skips two beats.

He opens the door, obviously frustrated.

He is cursing under his breath as he stomps towards the kitchen. Locking the closet door, I wait as he spots the note. Hastily, he snatches it from the table and I watch as his ebony eyes scan the paper.

_- his eyes say everything for him._

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Sasuke closes his eyes and smirks.

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"Sakura get _the fuck_ out here. I don't have time for this."

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Tears are streaming down my face because he knows me too well.

I cry as silently as possible because it's too late to turn back now. Moments pass as he waits for me to open the door to wherever I'm hiding and apologize like a good little girl.

.

.

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But I never do.

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"God damnit Sakura!" He abruptly stands and bolts upstairs.

I hear his rushed, staggered footsteps as he rushes to find me.

The clock ticks ever so loudly and his footsteps rush back down the stairs, in sync with my rapid heartbeats.

I hear Sasuke scream loudly.

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Sasuke slammed his fist down to the table and my eyes widen as I see blood gushing down and dripping onto the floor.

This is_ not_ supposed to be happening.

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_He's not supposed to care._

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A clear salty liquid is leaking from his eyes and I must be hallucinating.

Oh god, why am I doing this?

I love him so much, I don't want to see him get hurt.

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But it's too late…

.

His neck snaps up so fast I swear I thought he had whiplash as I am unable to contain a hiccup. When I look at him his cheeks are magically dry.

I guess I was hallucinating.

My body shivers and I hold my shoulders and sink to the ground. My sobs are loud and uncontrollable. Sasuke comes up to the door and bangs loudly on it.

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.

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"Sakura, open the fucking door!" he roars.

My hands shake and my lips quiver as I grasp the doorknob and turn. His foot connects with the door and his deep onyx eyes are glaring fire red.

His large hand wraps around my delicate arm and I feel the blood on his knuckles drying up.

Yanking me up, I expect him to slap me.

He doesn't.

Instead, his grasp on my arm cuts off the circulation.

.

.

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"What the fuck were you thinking?" he shouted.

My eyebrows raise from crying and my eyes become a human faucet.

Suddenly, I collapse into his chest, gripping onto his shirt for dear life.

"Oh god, I love you so much." I murmur through his now drenched shirt.

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_I love you. I love you so so much._

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His one hand glued to my arm, the other traveling up to grip my hair tightly.

He pushes my head harder against his chest.

"Damnit, Sakura. Don't ever fucking do that again." He whispers.

.

.

.

And he pulls on my hair, causing my face to tilt upward and for my sea foam green eyes to meet his.

His grip on my arm loosens subconsciously and he rubs my cheek with his thumb.

"Don't ever fake your own death again." His voice is now soft and soothing.

I could fall asleep right then and there from intoxication.

I nod my head with lidded eyes, while his lips capture mine in a scorching and passionate kiss.

So unlike any other, it wasn't possessive or controlling.

But gentle and caring.

.

Full of _love._

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I began to feel something that I haven't felt in a while, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

He broke away first, and pushed his forehead to mine.

His hot breath, tickling my nose.

.

.

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Sasuke backed me up against the wall and pressed his body to mine.

We fit perfectly together like two puzzle pieces , our bodies molded into one.

And in one short intake of air, he muttered the three words that almost killed me.

I wrapped my arms securely around his waist and I realized that up until now, my death wasn't being faked.

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.

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_"I love you."_

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**fin.**


	2. the fantastically narrated prequel

**disclaimer - do not own.**

**a/n - revised format.**

* * *

**.:: faking my own suicide ::.**

_Two years ago._

* * *

There he was.

.

A walking God.

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_Sasuke Uchiha._

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.

Now I've been studying this specimen for quite some time now and I am very proud, if you will, to declare that I am an expert in this particular "field".

At precisely 7:20 AM, Sasuke reports to homeroom.

His first class is math, same as me.

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.

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Sasuke is quite the prodigy in Algebra ll.

In fact, he excels in every class he takes, because his family is rich.

_Like loaded._

.

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This is just yet another factor why many people are practically _heels over head for this guy. _

Yes, I said heels over head. Haven't you ever heard of the band Boys Like girls?

Exactly.

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Not to mention he is _fucking gorgeous. _

On top of that, he's got that whole mysterious guy thing going on, which intrigues me even more.

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_Ohh, mysterious._

_._

Now some of you may think that I am obsessed, and I am sad to say that I am unable to completely deny that.

But I digress…

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Next, he heads on over to Biology.

Unfortunately I am not in this class of his.

However, next class, English I am _very thankful. _

We sit next to each other and I often find myself peeking at his OCD neat handwriting.

Strange for a boy because I mean c'mon what boy has neat handwriting?

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_Creepy boys, that's who._

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.

.

Anyway, his stories are…so intellectual, and _deep. _

Filled with pain and sadness.

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_His pain and sadness._

_._

_._

_._

I've researched the reason for such a pessimistic writing style, and according to some doctor, authors express their thoughts and feeling through their work, which means all Sasuke's stories that end in tragic deaths, are his own pain.

But they're all filled with remorse and a longing sensation at the end of the story that just makes you want to…

.

.

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After that is lunch.

Now Sasuke is the most ripped Junior that I have ever laid my eyes upon.

But it's not like that really ugly thing where he has muscles on top of muscles cause that's just gross.

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_Aw, look at those muscles. Delicious._

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_Ew, no._

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But he does have _just enough_ definition and tone to his taut body that makes you kinda wanna see him in a bathing suit drowning in a pool of cool whip.

.

_Hell yeah._

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But I don't think this guy is human because he _never eats_.

And he's not anorexic or anything cause he'd be like Ino Yamanaka or something.

_Fucking slut. _

No he eats I'm sure of it, just not in school.

He always makes Naruto bring him in a purple monster -

.

.

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_Um duh the energy drink not a REAL monster, that is purple cause that's Barney guys._

_._

_._

_._

- when he does actually bring lunch.

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His social crowd consists of Neji, though much like Sasuke, not as hot.

They both strongly dislike each other.

I think I'd love to see them all sweaty fighting each other.

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_Yum. Bring in the whipped cream._

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Naruto, who is probably the most talkative person at the table.

Ino, who doesn't even deserve to have any warrant in my conversations, also sits there.

Shikamaru, who although is incredibly lazy, is like a wiz kid in Science and Calculus.

And Choji, who if we're lucky eats everything but the kitchen sink.

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_I'm sure if he was really hungry he wouldn't pass up the opportunity, but who's to judge…_

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Then is Social Studies.

The most pointless class in the history of classes.

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_No pun intended._

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And of course Sasuke has to watch the history channel on a daily basis.

He talks about documentaries, how torturous.

Even after my all knowing knowledge or whatever on the subject of Sasuke, I don't think I'd ever date him.

I mean he sleeps with almost anything with legs (um but that does exclude anything that's not human. He's not that sick) and I don't think he quite knows how to be a gentleman or anything of the such.

On multiple occasions Sasuke has asked me out and often I find myself almost losing control.

And if I were to have lost control I would not still be able to call myself a virgin.

.

_Yes I'm proud of that, deal._

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I much prefer to be Sasuke's friend.

And he knows that.

I love him so much, I always will.

But I just don't think we would ever work out.

I don't want to be called a slut if I date him, and I certainly don't want him to screw me and leave me.

.

.

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I have come to find that friendship, at this day and age with guys, is probably more permanent that being called someone's 'girlfriend'.

Perhaps one day, after high school is over, maybe even before...

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_depending on if Sasuke is able to mature_

_._

...I will be honoured to be able to be called his girlfriend.

Sasuke seems like a very well rounded being, just a little rough around the edges, but I'm sure that little by little I will be able to melt that heart of his, and make him fall for me.

I will be able to take away all the pain that he endures so his stories can be about me and him in an utopia.

Of course this is all a fantasy, most likely I will be unable to control myself because like I said, he's _Sasuke Uchiha, a walking God. _

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I will probably be battered around.

He will probably be any normal teenager boy and will just come to me for the sex.

And perhaps I will find myself lost, and unable to go on, I might even find the need to try and escape from it all, per say.

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He might be an abusive boyfriend.

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But I've got some imagination, don't I?

I mean I've known this kid since kindergarten.

Sasuke isn't like that.

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I think I'd have to kill myself if he ever turned out to be like that.

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**fin.**


End file.
